is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
