alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
this just has baby written all over it
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
