We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
