I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
