The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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