I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
