Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
