I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
