I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Randomize
