Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
