dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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