And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
