evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
