Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
