yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
