I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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