It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
