Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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