I must be too annoying 4 u.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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