shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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