Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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