dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
