We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
