i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
