my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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