she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
