Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
