I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
