if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
