I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
