my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She told me I should be a condom model.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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