One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
