I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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