i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
