Whats the glycemic index on semen?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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