I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
