cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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