rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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