I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
