so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize