sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
