i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
