Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
