sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
