yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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