and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
