I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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