I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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