i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
