Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
