If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
