No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
porn star boner night. come get it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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