so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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