So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
