i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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