I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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