I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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