so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
