The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
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