A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
