We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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