I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
