iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
