So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
