Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
