I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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