Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
