I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
