she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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