I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize