He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
