You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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