Pants 0. Shit 1.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
