At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
do herpes really smell.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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