Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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