so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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