She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
