i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i think i have herpe
just one?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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