Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
