She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
