I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
What a dumb baby whore.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
