So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
