Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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