Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
