Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
