mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
